Self Actualization

Its about time i did this. Not much of a blogger as these thoughts stir themselves frantically in my brain but i shall try my best to put it all on paper...or rather put it all in this blog hopeful that it will be concise and one with good flow and if its not than aaaah well i tried!

So yes the operative backdrop is Istanbul, the employee/or rather placement is KAGIDER and the mission/task is to 'boldly go where no one has gone before.'

The flight was dreadful. I find that flying in general does leave a feeling of uneasiness in most of us but all flights are encompassed with various emotions that are operating as an undertone to the entirety of the whole experience. That being said I was stuck in the aisle seat beside someone who wouldn't stop chatting [mind you i'm all about diplomacy but not at 4am when i look like dracula and i can't sleep but thats a whole different story]. the aisle seat. i won't go further than that. hey at least the flight fed us pretty well.

I was an emotional upheaval throughout the flight and upon arrival as well. BTW i brought my blackberry with me [unlocked] and did not register it at the airport...big boo boo? sorta kinda!

anyway thoughts are scattering...what did i tell ya?! so upon arrival thankfully enough i was picked up by someone i knew through someone which was a big help. as soon as we got onto the highway here in Istanbul it struck me...I WAS HERE and this was as real as it could ever get!

TRAFFIC TRAFFIC TRAFFIC- my proposed name for this city as oppose to Istanbul. Its reminiscent of Egypt, New York City, Brazil and Pakistan all in one. Metropolis would be an understatement.

Got dropped off to the hotel and when i got to my room- i cried. And this cycle continued for the next 24 hours. I felt so lonely...and i still do. Its one thing to be in a city with friends/family and maneuver your way around and about and another to be completely alone but it allowed me to test myself which i'm doing on top of the hour every hour. i skyped with family and every time i did i cried. every time a new face would pop up in front of the camera i would start all over again. i felt like a child rather i felt alone! i was shell shocked. i have traveled prior to this experience for months at a time for leisure, work and for research but it was different this time. I think it was the mere fact that for the first time, technically speaking, I AM ALONE!

Remember that talk we had about being discrete when speaking to the parents? and to try to not overly amplify everything? went out the window for those first 24 hours! my father actually suggested that i come back if it was too much for me to handle and between the sobbing and the nose blowing i managed to say "NO WAY" haha

was at a hotel for the first few days and as of yesterday i have moved in with a member of KAGIDER. the opulence aura of her house, KAGIDER itself and of course all other experiences will be documented in due time.

However i shall depart with the following thought...
this experience has already started to be life forming...i didnt know there was so much i took for granted and its only been 5 days!